Hurreya

Hurreya means freedom. It is the name of one of the only Egyptian bars here in Cairo (cheap Egyptian beer, tea with crusty spoons, moldy-looking walls and open windows and always crowded). Hurreya is something I have thought and talked about a lot here. Its somehow probably the thing I love the most and miss the most here. I have the freedom that comes with being so far from home and not even knowing how to conform even if I wanted to, but I also have less freedom that comes with the society in general and my own very visible place as a representative of my country and religion.

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My friend O asks me, "Its true that everyone in the U.S. must have sex by the time they're 15 right?"

Me: "Um no O, you don't have to, its your choice. That's the idea in the U.S., you have freedom."

O: "O FREEdom, yes, haha" (evidently its a funny idea of us Americans)

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My friend F: "Its ok for girls and boys to do really anything in America right?"

me: "well it depends, but usually yes, its the choice of the boy and girl what they do."

F: "So the society doesn't have morals. There are no morals. What do you think is better, Egypt or America?"

me: "well, I think ya maybe the morals of America are bad, but I think if you choose to be good, and its not because you have to do something, that means you're really good. I think this is good, to have the choice."

F: "Hmm I think maybe you're right, if you choose to be good when you have freedom, you are better, but still, many people don't choose good if they don't have to."

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Me: "I can't believe that woman on the beach! She was practically naked and that random guy was giving her a massage and they were like making out in public. She ruined right there any progress I've made in convincing people foreigners aren't all sluts."

My brother: "Kirsten, you can't judge her like that, she should be able to do whatever she wants to do without people passing judgment on her."

My mom: "Kirsten, what happened to you? You never would have said that when you were in highschool."

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My Egyptian mama: "Egypt is better than America because here boys and girls can't just walk around together. If they want to be together they love each other and they get married. This is right."

Me: "they can't be just friends?"

mama: "no, not close friends. Maybe see each other in church or something, but you can't just go around together. In America this is normal right?"

me: "yes its normal."

mama: "boys and girls can do anything without marriage."

me: "well it depends. People who are very religious say no. But it has to be inside your heart, not the government or people in the street telling you what to do. There is more freedom (feeh hurreya akhtar)."

mama: "America is unlike Egypt completely."

me: "yes, very different."

mama: "Egypt is much better, people are good here."

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This weekend started off with a foggy Thursday morning. You know those days when everyone's a little subdued, everything's a little quieter because this kind of dense cloud has descended, and its kinda exciting almost. Especially here where every day is sun in the desert, fog is cause for celebration.

So anyway, I'm walking down the alleyway to the metro, past the duck cages and kleenex vending women with their babies and the vegetable stands and the house where the crazy man sometimes yells as me in Italian in this foggy calm and I come to the major cross street and I look up at the foggy sky above the buildings and I suddenly feel that I am not being pushed around by rushing time and circumstances, but that this world is open. I'm not trapped underground but free to wander or march or walk where I please at whatever speed under an endless universe.

Its strange that this sense of freedom comes along with my current state of having absolutely no money and the restrictions that that brings. Now I've always been bad with money, but I've always been rich at the same time. In that sense I mean I have never really felt like I missed out on anything because of money. Yes, I'm kinda spoiled. Now, however, with no daddy to call when I mess up and a struggling non-profit salary that really does not provide for luxuries, I don't have these options. If I buy a coat, I don't get to go out for dinner. If I go out to dinner, I don't get to go out next week, things like this.

Currently I have budgeted for myself less than $1 / day to get me through the month. This means I am taking up the Egyptian practice of sneaking two people out of the metro on one ticket (to save 15 cents or so), not being able to drink anything but water, I am not even able to help anyone who asks me for money, and waiting for two hours for my friend so that she can pay for our taxi home.

During these two hours of waiting I sat along a wall alongside the Nile because paying for a drink in a cafe was definitely out of the question. I watched the rich Egyptians on the sunset dinner cruise yachts go by. I was thinking, hey I used to be like that, private yacht parties, private beaches, things of this nature that go along with prep schools in southern california. However, with all these "opportunities" and conveniences that seem to be taken from me now that I don't have money flying around me, there comes a certain freedom. I am free to sit in the sun on the edge of the Nile and not worry about what people are thinking, because really I don't have a choice. And really, the sun and the Nile with my feet dangling over the wall, listening to the mingling music from the falucas makes me happier than the stuffy cafes with overpriced cappucinos and elevator music any day. Even when teenagers somehow managed to dangle over the bridge directly above me to hiss and yell at me about what I'm writing, even then.

So anyway, hurreya, its a great word, and these are my thoughts.